Monday, January 30, 2006 

Good for whatever ails ya

Tonight I was giving the youngling some gas drops before dinner when LMD walked in.

Me: You ready for your gas drops?

LMD: Hey! I want ass drops, too!

She was so determined looking, so adamant that I couldn't even laugh. How could you laugh at a face that serious? Instead, I gave her a tiny dose of gas drops and walked into the bathroom to put them away. And laughed there instead, like any good mom would.

Saturday, January 28, 2006 


I have been tagged by the Divine Miss Em. Here are my responses:

Four Jobs I have Had in the Past

Credit analyst. Yep, I was the one who said yay or nay when people went to buy things like boats, jetskis, RVs.

Systems trainer for a mortgage company. This job was fun at first. I flew all over the west coast training employees on the systems. It quickly became hell when I had to start calling down to the hotel lobby to ask them which town I was in. I lasted about 6 months.

Retail at Babies R Us. Yeah, it was retail, but I am such a kid at heart and love babies so much that it was fun. Besides, I was totally in it for the discount.

Loan Officer for a credit union. Hard to believe I was a mortgage officer, even now when I look back on it. Did enjoy the job, though.

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over

Animal House
Can't Buy Me Love.

Yeah, I know. Draw your own damn conclusions.

4 Places I Have Lived

Chippewa Falls, WI
Stillwater, MN
Scottsdale, AZ
Tucson, AZ

4 Favorite Foods

(Just four?)
Pasta Puttanesca

4 Albums I Can't Live Without

You've Come a Long Way, Baby by Fatboy Slim
Dookie by Green Day
Viva Wisconsin by Violent Femmes
Message in a Box by The Police

4 Places I'd Rather Be

Topsail Island, NC
Coronado Island, CA
Phoenix, AZ
in bed asleep

4 People I am Tagging

Ha. Like I have four readers. Two have already done this on their blog and one person I would like to tag deleted her blog. Feel free to accept this invitation if you are reading this.

Friday, January 27, 2006 

Last minute call from the governor...

Youngling lives to nurse another day. Trip was cancelled a few hours ago.

To be honest, I think I am more relieved than he is. Mr. Chaos is probably the most relieved, though.

Youngling's thought of the day? Viva la boobies!

Thursday, January 26, 2006 

Failure? Or brilliant success?

Those bored by yesterday's blubbering can skip this post. It's just going to be more whining about weaning the youngling.

So, I tried. I know I'm not supposed to give him the bottle, but I was the only one home.

He screamed. Nuzzled in to nurse. Screamed again.

Me? I cried. More than him, probably.

We have decided to wait until Saturday, when Mr. Chaos will be home and I can leave the house for a few hours.

Gotta give the boy credit for knowing what he wants, though.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 

We're making the switch

At the tender age of 5 months, we are switching the youngling over to formula. Once I can let the desire to win the Golden Vagina award go, I'll be ok with this decision. Really.

I guess I feel like I am failing him in a way. My reasons are all purely selfish ones and will make the breastfeeding nazis stage a nurse-in at my house. Well, after they storm inside and take away my membership card, that is. Yes, I am a reformed breastfeeding nazi. Good Lord, I never even knew they existed!

My reasons? Oh, little things. Sleep. Remember that? That stuff when you were single you gave up for really great sex? Now that I am a parent I find sleep infintely more appealing. I treasure it like a fine wine and can even rate my quality of sleep on a scale. Right now if I were to compare it to a wine, I think it would best be compared to Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill. Gets the job done, but not a very satisfying trip, if you get what I'm sayin'.

Another big reason? Weight loss. Yep, I am not one of those moms that has the weight magically melt off while breastfeeding. I am so lucky that my body hoards the fat, just in case! You never know when we might see food again and we MUST FEED THE BABY! Seriously. Been eating healthy, run/walking almost every day and the futzing scale will get to a certain number only to rebound. In my defense, I was a gestational diabetic with this last pregnancy, so it is important for my health to lose the weight. So take that, ya nazis!

Finally and one of the most frivolous reasons of all, and one that will most definitely take me out off the running for the Golden Vagina award........I'm leaving my kids for a week. (Can you just hear the hate mail coming my way?) Yes, me, the Dr. Sears reading, sling wearing, extended nursing, co-sleeping mom is leaving my babies. No, I am not off to cure cancer, have a surgery or write the next great novel (which you probably knew anyway if you read here). I'm going......on a vacation. With my husband. To a great resort. And I am excited about it. Hell, if the only date you had with your husband in three years was a quick 4 hour night out, you would be, too. Especially if said resort is an all-expense paid trip picked up my hubby's company. Nice. It doesn't hurt that my parents will be watching the hellions, er......darling angels. (hi, mom!)

So, confessional over. Baby is getting the swill, the poison, the canned powder so futzing expensive it may as well come with a nanny to give it to the kid. And you know what? I am totally okay with that. I think I'm even ok with the judgement I will probably receive from other moms. Yeah, you.

Although if it turns out I am still in the running once all the votes are tabulated, I might be able to make it to the awards ceremony. Hell, the gals might even be small enough to fit into a sexy little number by then. I can be the black sheep in the group amongst all the soccer moms with their khaki capris and matching sweater sets.

And that suits me just fine.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 

Hey! We found the WMD! Over here!

It has come to my attention that some of you read LMD (Lil Miss Diva) as WMD. While it is true on some days (any ending in a y) that she can be quite the destructive two year old terror, I doubt W can cancel his APB..............yet.

Give her another day or two. At the rate she is going, she will find the real ones for sure.

Sunday, January 15, 2006 

Some days are better than others.

Tomorrow will not be one of those "better" days. Cman has a hellacious day in store for him.

Last night he was getting ready to duel with his Yugioh Duel Deck (and if you finding yourself saying, huh? BE THANKFUL!) and he popped himself in the mouth. Minor bump, as far as these things go, and I expected a puffy lip and nothing more.

Only I saw blood. Lots of blood. After getting it to slow, we realized he had bumped his tooth loose. The dentist suggested we try to "encourage it out", since it was only a baby tooth. I got the bleeding to stop and realized there was no way in hell we were taking it out. It was attached to a great deal of skin on the back side. We sent him to bed, thinking it would get looser overnight. Logical, right?

Only no. That sucker reattached itself, which is the one thing the dentist told us not to let happen. Something about permanent tooth damage, I guess. So now, the day that was supposed to be just a quick blood draw at the ped turns into a day of so much more.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, LMD managed to sneak off in the mayhem and find a pair of scissors. She is now minus a large chunk of bangs right along the hairline.

Maybe when the tooth fairy comes, she can leave some hair for LMD.

Sunday, January 08, 2006 

Pleasures I always forget

Today the chaos family spent a lazy afternoon at the park. My heart was so full of joy and love as we sat in the sun. Is there anything more idyllic than an afternoon spent in the warmth of the sun? Serenity was mine, and I spent time thinking of life's other tiny pleasures that I often forget.

The taste of the season's first fresh strawberry ranks high on my list, as does fresh pineapple. Every single time I have a bite of either, I curse and remind myself to eat them both more often. Sheer heavenly delights!

Freshly cut grass. 'Nuff said.

A nap on a summer afternoon with a soft breeze coming in through an open window.

The smell of snow.

What tiny pleasures give you great joy?


I'll see your penis and raise you two balls

First off, for those of you expecting some detailed action in the Chaos bedroom, try again. We are parents to three children under the age of six. Our hot bedroom action consists of subtle nudges, snores and kicks to wake one another up to get the baby. Mr. Chaos has raised that to near art form. Anyway, sorry to disappoint, but there will be no kinky sexcapades here.

No. This scene is set in the car on the way to school Friday morning.

LMD: Mommy, bubba (her word for brother) has a penis.

Me: Yes, he does.

LMD: He a boy.

Me: Yes, he is.

LMD: (craftily) I a boy.

Me: You are? Do you have a penis?

LMD: (craftily) Yes.

Cman: (knowingly) Do you have the two ball things? You need to have those AND the penis, or you aren't a boy.

LMD: Oh, maaaaaaaaaaaaam. (Yes, she means man but says it ma'am.)

Cman: (reassuring) I know, I know.